Sex Jokes for the Week

The Whistling Pussy
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.The blonde realises he is staring andinquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?""Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes."It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do."I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him."Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"


18 goes into 54
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."


The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale9:30 Light Breakfast11:00 Sunbathe12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 Shopping2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs3:00 Facial, massage, nap7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing10:00 Make love11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

Types of Sex
HOUSE SEX When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.BEDROOM SEX After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.HALL SEX After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”COURTROOM SEX When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.

Two Penises
There is a teacher teaching sex education to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and draws a huge penis on the board! She truns to the class and simply asked the class, “Class, does any one know what that is?”The class sits silently for a second or two than peter stands from the back! He yells, “I know what that is! It’s a PENIS! I know cause my dad’s got two!”“The small one he pee’s from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!”


Bedroom Manners
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.“I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table!”Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.“Yes,” replied the girl, “much better.”“Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy.”