Saturday, July 19, 2008
Sex Jokes for the Week
The Whistling Pussy
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.The blonde realises he is staring andinquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?""Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes."It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do."I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him."Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
18 goes into 54
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale9:30 Light Breakfast11:00 Sunbathe12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 Shopping2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs3:00 Facial, massage, nap7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing10:00 Make love11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
Types of Sex
HOUSE SEX When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.BEDROOM SEX After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.HALL SEX After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”COURTROOM SEX When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.
Two Penises
There is a teacher teaching sex education to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and draws a huge penis on the board! She truns to the class and simply asked the class, “Class, does any one know what that is?”The class sits silently for a second or two than peter stands from the back! He yells, “I know what that is! It’s a PENIS! I know cause my dad’s got two!”“The small one he pee’s from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!”
Bedroom Manners
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.“I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table!”Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.“Yes,” replied the girl, “much better.”“Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy.”
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.The blonde realises he is staring andinquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?""Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes."It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do."I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him."Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
18 goes into 54
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale9:30 Light Breakfast11:00 Sunbathe12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 Shopping2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs3:00 Facial, massage, nap7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing10:00 Make love11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
Types of Sex
HOUSE SEX When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.BEDROOM SEX After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.HALL SEX After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”COURTROOM SEX When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.
Two Penises
There is a teacher teaching sex education to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and draws a huge penis on the board! She truns to the class and simply asked the class, “Class, does any one know what that is?”The class sits silently for a second or two than peter stands from the back! He yells, “I know what that is! It’s a PENIS! I know cause my dad’s got two!”“The small one he pee’s from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!”
Bedroom Manners
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.“I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table!”Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.“Yes,” replied the girl, “much better.”“Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy.”
Public Toilets in Switzerland
Here is a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland.Now that you can seen the outside view of the toilet.
Just spend some more time scrolling down to see how it looks from inside..!!!!
That is made entirely out of one way glass. No one can see you in there, but when you are inside, it looks like you’re sitting in a clear glas box.
Would you use it ??????????
Mobile Phone Tips
Consider the following…….
It is not only the choice of phone, but how you use it that is important when you want to control the amount of radiation you are exposed to. Here. You will find a few simple tips that can considerably reduce radiation and therefore also health risks.
2. Use Hand Free setThe further away from your body the phone is, the less radiation you are exposed to. Using a hands-free set is the easiest way to radically reduce the amount of radiation you are exposed to if you use a mobile phone.
Hold it at the bottom
By covering large areas of the phone with your hand, you reduce its ability to send and receive signals. The phone then increases its power and transmits stronger radiation to compensate this. So hold the phone as far down as possible, so it can operate at low power.
4. Get the best position …..You can see the signal reception strength in the display. When reception is good, the phone reduces power and radiation. If reception is poor, the phone uses maximum power and radiation.
Use regular phone if possible
If you have a regular phone, then make calls with it. The amount of radiation is directly connected to the length of time you talk on the mobile phone.
Don,t talk too much ….
The radiation you are exposed to is directly related to the time you spend talking on your phone. For longer calls it is safer (and cheaper) to call from a regular phone.
7.Hazadous Areas 0f usen Do not use a mobile phone when driving a car. Stop at a safe place and talk.
n Do not use your mobile phone in places where there is a lot of electrical equipment, such as hospitals and aircraft.
n Do not bathe with your mobile phone.
n Do not let small children talk on your mobile phone for long periods. They are more susceptible than adults.
Mobile Phone ethics
Ø Show consideration to those around you when you have your phone with you.
Ø Your colleagues may not be as keen on your phone as you are.
Ø Turn off your phone when you are in public places such as movie theatres and cafe.
Ø Make a habit of turning it off? it is good for you too.
Miss World 2008
Miss Venezuela is Miss Universe 2008
By BEN STOCKING, Associated Press Writer 12 minutes ago
Miss Venezuela was crowned Miss Universe 2008 on Monday in a contest marked by the spectacle of Miss USA falling down during the evening gown competition for the second year in a row.
An elated Dayana Mendoza received the crown from her predecessor, Riyo Mori of Japan, and then prepared to meet a gaggle of reporters. Miss Venezuela, 22, was once kidnapped in her homeland and says the experience taught her to remain poised under pressure.
Tension got under the skin of Crystle Steward of Texas, the second Miss USA in a row to fall down during the Miss Universe pageant. She tripped on the train of her bejeweled evening gown as she made her entrance.
Tension got under the skin of Crystle Steward of Texas, the second Miss USA in a row to fall down during the Miss Universe pageant. She tripped on the train of her bejeweled evening gown as she made her entrance.
The New York Times looks at concerns about the upcoming change.
During the 2007 Miss Universe contest in Mexico City, Miss USA Rachel Smith also tumbled during the evening gown competition and became an unintended star on You Tube, where the video was shown over and over again.
During the 2007 Miss Universe contest in Mexico City, Miss USA Rachel Smith also tumbled during the evening gown competition and became an unintended star on You Tube, where the video was shown over and over again.
Like Smith, Stewart quickly stood up after her fall and continued on as if nothing had happened.
Stewart, 26, is a motivational speaker and former track and filed star who is working on a book called "Waiting to Win."
Stewart, 26, is a motivational speaker and former track and filed star who is working on a book called "Waiting to Win."
Her mishap occurred just after the judges had narrowed the field of 80 to the final 10: Miss USA, Miss Kosovo, Miss Australia, Miss Spain, Miss Mexico, Miss Colombia, Miss USA, Miss Dominican Republic, Miss Russia, Miss Italy and Miss Venezuela.
The NBC show was hosted by talk show star Jerry Springer and Spice Girl Melanie Brown and broadcast live to hundreds of millions of viewers in 170 countries.
The NBC show was hosted by talk show star Jerry Springer and Spice Girl Melanie Brown and broadcast live to hundreds of millions of viewers in 170 countries.
Eighty contestants gathered in the seaside city of Nha Trang, Vietnam, vying to succeed reigning Miss Universe Riyo Mori of Japan.
Sporting yellow, green and orange bikinis, the 15 semifinalists strutted across the stage during the swimsuit competition to the sounds of Lady Gaga, who belted out the pulsating "Just Dance" in a platinum blond wig. Miss Vietnam, Lam Thuy Nguyen, was greeted with a roar from the Vietnamese audience.
The final 10 then competed in the evening gown event.
They performed in front of a panel of judges that included international fashion experts and Donald Trump Jr., whose father, the real estate magnate and TV star, co-owns the pageant with NBC.
Sporting yellow, green and orange bikinis, the 15 semifinalists strutted across the stage during the swimsuit competition to the sounds of Lady Gaga, who belted out the pulsating "Just Dance" in a platinum blond wig. Miss Vietnam, Lam Thuy Nguyen, was greeted with a roar from the Vietnamese audience.
The final 10 then competed in the evening gown event.
They performed in front of a panel of judges that included international fashion experts and Donald Trump Jr., whose father, the real estate magnate and TV star, co-owns the pageant with NBC.
This year's contestants span a wide range of experiences and aspirations.
Miss Albania was a professional basketball player. Miss Argentina says she has paranormal experiences. Miss Antigua & Barbuda is fascinated by snakes.
Miss Angola was in a plane crash while trying to escape a conflict during her country's civil war.
The shortest contestant in this year's show is Miss El Salvador, a petite 5-foot-3. The tallest are Miss Jamaica, Miss Mexico and Miss Peru, who measure 6 feet.
The show has been a publicity bonanza for Vietnam, where beauty contests are very popular. The contest featured segments on many of the nation's most popular tourist destinations, such as Hue, Hoi An, Sapa and Ha Long Bay.
The program set has been dominated by iconic Vietnamese images, such as bamboo trees, conical hats and lotus flowers.
Miss Albania was a professional basketball player. Miss Argentina says she has paranormal experiences. Miss Antigua & Barbuda is fascinated by snakes.
Miss Angola was in a plane crash while trying to escape a conflict during her country's civil war.
The shortest contestant in this year's show is Miss El Salvador, a petite 5-foot-3. The tallest are Miss Jamaica, Miss Mexico and Miss Peru, who measure 6 feet.
The show has been a publicity bonanza for Vietnam, where beauty contests are very popular. The contest featured segments on many of the nation's most popular tourist destinations, such as Hue, Hoi An, Sapa and Ha Long Bay.
The program set has been dominated by iconic Vietnamese images, such as bamboo trees, conical hats and lotus flowers.
The tuxedoed Springer made a grand entrance on a motorbike -- the vehicle of choice in Vietnam where the streets are teeming with millions of the speeding two-wheelers.
Copyright © 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.
Copyright © 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
